翻译：Yiran 校对：LadyM、甜食 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net
消消气
得有人和他聊聊 你明白我的意思吗？ Somebody need to talk to the man, you know what I mean?
很高兴你叫我来了 他还是闷闷不乐吗？ I'm so happy you called me. He's just moping around?
我们都很担心他 I mean, we all are really worried about him, man.
谢丽儿的事快把他逼疯了 This Cheryl thing's got him crazy.
讲真 谢丽儿的事让他非常纠结 This Cheryl thing's got him twisted, man, for real.
此处mopey dick（直译软屌）和小说《白鲸》的原名Moby Dick谐音
他在上面无精打采 他现在就是闷逼 He's up there moping, man. Mopey Dick, that's what he is.
- 是莫比迪克- 不 闷逼 - Moby Dick. - No, Mopey Dick.
- 那个叫莫比 - 谁是莫比？ - No, it's called Moby Dick. - Who's fucking Moby Dick?
梅尔维尔的书《白鲸》 莫比迪克 "Moby Dick" is the book by Melville.
- 谁他妈是莫比 - 你从哪听说的 - Who's fucking Moby Dick? - Where did you hear Moby Dick from?
他是闷逼 垂头丧气 Mopey Dick, man. His dick is moping.
- 字面意义的闷逼？- 对 闷逼 - Oh, literally Mopey Dick? - Yeah, Mopey Dick.
好了 我们上去给这个闷逼透透气 Okay, let's go up and get his mopey- ass dick out of bed.
- 我们上吧 - 我很欣赏你做事的风格 - Let's go. - I like the way you operate, man.
你明白我意思吗？你很直截了当 我就喜欢这样的 You know what I mean? You're straightforward. I like that shit.
怎么了？ What?
- 能进来吗？- 我们要进来了 - Gotta come in? - Coming in, man.
- 嘿 你还好吗？- 我不知道 - Hey, what's going on? - I don't know.
- 我把我的生活搞砸了 - 怎么搞砸了？ - I fucked up my life. - How did you fuck up your life?
- 你做了什么？- 和谢丽儿的问题 - What did you do? - With Cheryl.
- 噢 谢丽儿 - 噢 又是谢丽儿这摊子破事 - Oh, Cheryl. - Oh, man, this Cheryl shit again.
振作起来啊 朋友 Come on, man.
飞机上那一通傻逼电话... 我没有... The stupid call from the plane... I didn't...
你忙着应付那个修录制器的家伙呢 You were busy with the TiVo guy.
应付那个修录制器的家伙 是啊 我忙着他的事儿呢 Busy with the TiVo guy. Yeah, I was busy with the TiVo guy.
你的脑子里现在完全一团糟啊 朋友 Your brain is all fucking discombobulated, man.
你需要集中精力想点别的 You need to focus on some ass.
我永远不会遇到像她一样的人了 永远不会了 I'm just never gonna meet anybody like her again, ever ever.
我没有反驳的意思 但你还是需要见见别的人 I'm not disputing that, but you've got to meet somebody else.
- 你得往前看 - 没有人比得上她 - You've got to move on. - There's nobody that compares to her.
我根本无法想象和其他人在一起 I can't even imagine being with anybody else.
听着朋友 你得走出去 做点什么 Listen, man, you've got to get out there and do stuff.
下床去吃点早饭 你总躺着算怎么回事啊 Get down there and get breakfast. What are you doing?
她会去萨米的成人礼吗？ Is she going to Sammie's bat mitzvah?
是的 她会去成人礼的 Yeah, she's coming to the bat mitzvah.
她会带着那货一起去 She's bringing that guy too.
你想让我做什么？我们又没站队 What do you want me to do? We didn't pick sides.
难以置信我得见到她和那货在一起 I can't believe I've got to see her with this guy
- 在萨米的成人礼上 - 那你打算带谁一起去？ - at Sammie's bat mitzvah. - Well, who are you gonna bring?
- 谁也不带 - 你必须带个人 - Nobody. - You've got to bring somebody.
带个人？我要带谁啊？ Bring somebody? Who am I gonna bring?
你干躺在这儿是谁都找不到的 起来吧 You're not gonna find her here, lying like this. Come on.
对啊 你得找个人 朋友 Yeah, you gotta find somebody, man.
- 我不擅长约会 我搞不来 - 为什么不能？ - I'm not a good dater. I can't date. - Why can't you date?
你现在这个拉里的皮囊不适合你 You're not comfortable in your Larry shell right now.
你需要脱胎换骨 You've got to become another motherfucker right now.
拉里 蓄个小胡子 蓄个山羊胡 Larry, grow a mustache, man. Grow a goatee,
蓄个小胡子 留个鬓角 重新做人 朋友 a mustache, grow sideburns. Become another motherfucker, man.
- 明白吗？- 倒不是个坏主意 - You feel me? - It's not bad advice.
确实不坏 只要你能从床上下来 It's not bad advice. But anything to get your ass out of bed.
从... 什么...？ Get your ass out of... wh...?
那是什么？你在干嘛？ What was that? What are you doing?
你长臭虫了？怎么回事？ You've got bedbugs? What's going on?
噢 没什么 就是有点不舒服 Oh, nothing. Just a little uncomfortable.
- 听着 我已经做了我该做的 快起来 - 好吧 谢谢 - Listen, I did my part. Get your ass up. - Okay, thanks.
- 我得去工作了 好吗？- 谢谢 当然啦 - I've got to go to work, all right? - Thanks, yeah.
- 回头见 - 工作顺利 朋友 - I'll see you later. - Good work, man.
嘿 我来把他弄起来嘿 朋友 动起来 拉里 Hey, I'll get him up. Hey, man, let's roll, L.D.
下楼来吧 朋友 家里人都想和你说两句 Come on downstairs, man. The family wants to talk to you a little bit.
- 好了 我要重新做人了 - 是啊 下楼吧 - All right, I'm turning over a new leaf. - Yeah, come on downstairs.
- 够了 我再也不想这破事了 - 我们想和你谈谈 - That's it. No more of this shit. - We want to talk to you.
- 好了 我受够了 - 出来吧 振作起来 - Okay, no more. - Yeah, get out. Let's get your shit together.
- 我正在振作 - 是啊 考虑考虑蓄须的事吧 - I'm getting it together. - Yeah, think about that beard shit.
- 好的 我会的 - 想想小胡子 - Okay, all right. - Think about that mustache.
看看我找到了谁 Look who I found.
- 嘿 - 嘿 拉里! - Hey. - Hey, L.D.!
- 你还好吗？- 还行 - How are you doing? - Yeah.
- 呃 我觉得还好 我会没事的 - 很好 - Eh, I think okay. I think I'll be all right. - Good.
- 我挺好的 - 很好 - I'm fine. - Good.
你知道吗？我下定决心了 You know what? My mind is made up.
- 我现在就要把她忘掉 - 好的 - I am forgetting about her as of now. - Okay.
- 我就是我个意思 - 立刻 马上 - That's what I'm talking about. - As of now.
- 拉里 你会没事的 相信我 - 新的一天开始了 - L.D., you're gonna be fine, trust me. - It's a new day.
他会坚持到最后的 He'll be the last man standing.
所以到底怎么了？你们想和我说什么？ So what's going on? What do you want to talk to me about?
洛雷塔 你想...？ Loretta, you want to...?
嗯 我们的房子准备好了 Um, our house is ready
我们要回家了 and we're gonna go home.
是啊 那位女士今天打电话来了 Yeah yeah. The lady called today.
- 我们真的要走了 - 我们确实要走了 - We're out for real. - We are.
- 我们没在开玩笑 我们要走了 - 不开玩笑 真的 - We're not kidding you. We're out. - No, for real.
- 他说不出话了 我难以置信 - 嗯... - He's speechless. I can't believe it. - Well...
我无话可说了 I am speechless.
- 你也是吗？- 我也要走了 - You too? - I'm out of here too.
我打电话联系了我朋友 I've got a little boo down there I'ma holla at.
我知道我们给你感觉我们再也不走了 I know it looked like we weren't gonna ever get out of here, though,
- 但是... - 嗯... - but... - Well...
- 你们要走就走吧 - 是啊 - you gotta go... you gotta go. - Yeah.
- 我们会想你的 - 我们会的 - We're gonna miss you, though. - We are.
你还是能来拜访的 You can always come visit now.
呃 还是别发疯了吧 Eh, let's not go crazy.
- 我的沙鼠不见了 - 什么？ - My gerbil's gone. - What?
- 我的沙鼠不见了 - 你说这话什么意思？ - My gerbil's gone. - What do you mean your gerbil's gone?
好了 来吧 我们去找找 Well, come on. Let's go find it.
- 冷静 没事的 - 冷静？ - Chill out. We're cool. - Chill out?
有只沙鼠在我家疯跑呢 快来帮我找找 There's a gerbil running amok in my house. Come on, help me find it.
好的 谢谢 Okay, thank you.
- 嘿 拉里 - 嗯 - Hey, Larry. - Yeah.
- 大楼经理刚打电话来了 - 什么事？ - The building manager just called. - Yeah?
这两天有个人会来 In the next few days somebody's gonna come
看看你对面那个办公室 and look at that office across from you.
- 你在开玩笑？- 不是 - Are you kidding? - No.
噢 我一直害怕有这么一天 Oh, I dreaded this day.
我不想让任何人搬到大厅那边 I don't want anybody moving in across the hall.
你知道 我们是有隐私的 You know, we have privacy here.
我知道 拉里 但我也做不了什么 I know. Larry, there's nothing I can do.
我们不能控制恒温器了 We're not gonna have control of the thermostat.
- 没错 调节器在那边 - 是的 在那边 - That's right, it's in there. - Yeah, it's in there.
我们为什么不把那间办公室租下来呢？ Why don't we take that office then?
我可不会为一间我不用的办公室付钱 I'm not gonna pay for an office I'm not using.
行呗 你不租别人就租了 Well, somebody's gonna take it if you don't take it.
怎样才能阻止别人租呢？ How do you stop somebody from renting it?
我想知道的是这个 That's what I want to know.
你还好吗？ How are you?
- 我今天感觉好些了 - 是吗？ - You know, I feel a little better today. - Do you?
- 我之前很抑郁 - 你看上去好些了 你看着不错 - I've been pretty depressed. - You seem better. You look good.
是啊 我感觉好些了 我觉得我准备好了 Yeah, I feel better. I'm feeling like I'm ready,
但我讨厌单身一人 我真不喜欢 but I hate being single. I just hate it.
- 我懂的 拉里 我很遗憾 - 我想认识认识其他人 - I know, Larry. I'm sorry. - I want to meet somebody.
向天发誓 如果我可以的话我要在一个月之内再婚 I swear to God, I can get married again in a month if I could.
噢 拉里 拉里大卫 你是个情种啊 Oh, Larry. Larry David, you are a romantic.
是吗？你觉得我是吗？ Am I? Do you think I am?
噢 差点忘了马特泰斯勒打电话来说 Oh, I forgot. Matt Tessler called and said,
"嘿 我在你们楼里 我想我可以顺路来看看" "Hey, I'm in the building. I thought I'd drop by."
- 他在我们楼里？- 是啊 - He's in the building? - Yeah.
他说他认识你 拍《宋飞正传》那阵子 He said he knows you, "Seinfeld" days.
是的 他导演过四集《宋飞正传》 Yeah, he directed four "Seinfelds."
他很差劲 他是个差劲的导演 He was terrible, though. He was a terrible director.
- 噢 我记得马特 - 他想干吗？ - Oh, I remember Matt. - What does he want?
路易斯要拍试播集 我猜他想让我引荐他 Lewis is doing a pilot now, and I'll bet he wants me to recommend him.
- 你知道 他儿子... - 天啊 没错了 - You know, he's got the son... - Oh my gosh, that's right.
...肌肉有问题 ...who's got the muscular issues.
肌肉萎缩还是什么来着...？ M.S. or M.D. or...?
我不知道 总归是有什么问题 I don't know. There's something.
我可以和他说 你已经走了 I could say that you had to leave,
- 你有个重要的会 - 呃... - you had an important meeting. - Eh...
- 拉里大卫 拉里大卫 你好吗？- 嘿 马特泰斯勒！ - Larry David. Larry David, how ya doing? - Hey, Matt Tessler!
- 我们刚还说到你呢 - 见到你真好 - We were just talking about you. - Good to see you.
嘿 马特 近来如何？见到你真高兴 你好吗？ Hey, Matt, what's going on? Nice to see you. How are you?
- 你还好吗？你看着不错 - 是啊 - You're well? You look good. - Yeah.
- 你真是容光焕发 - 噢 谢谢你 - You look pretty good yourself. - Oh, thanks, thanks.
- 是啊 我挺好的 挺好的 - 看看吧 - Yeah, I'm doing okay, doing okay. - Look at this.
- 忙得天昏地暗 - 不错啊 - Working my ass off, yeah. - Nice.
- 我就是有点困在情景喜剧的烂摊子里了 - 是吗？ - I'm just, you know... I'm kind of stuck in a dramedy ghetto. - Really?
我拍了《男人不易做》里面得癌症那一集 Well, I did the cancer scare episode of "Home Improvement,"
- 所以我就被归为鸡汤导演了 - 天啊 - so I got typed as this guy who does ticker. - Oh, Jeez.
现在只要是掉眼泪的就都让我来拍 Now they want me to do all the teardrop stuff.
我就想回归到搞笑的片子 那种哑剧 I want to get back to the funny, to the shtoomy.
- 哑剧 - 你和理查德路易斯还常联系么？ - The shtoomy, yeah. - Are you and Richard Lewis still tight?
- 你能不能和他提... - 我真不... - Is there any way you can just give him a...? - I'm really not...
- 你们不怎么联系了？- 联系不多了 - You're not tight anymore? - Not really tight.
他们可以推荐我拍那个试播集 'Cause they're floating my name to direct his pilot
我真的很想上 and I just would love to be in on that.
嗯 如果我碰到他 你知道... Well, if I run into him, I'll, you know...
是啊 如果你能推荐我一下 Yeah, if I had a recommendation from you, though,
我就有机会试一试了 that would mean that I'd have a shot at this.
情景喜剧... 你知道 我可以九点到十点上场 The sitcom... you know, I'd come in at 9:00- 10:00,
- 我早上就有机会看到我儿子了... - 那很好... - I'd get a chance to see my son in the morning... - It's a great...
...我有机会晚上见到他 ...I'd get a chance to see him at night.
所以如果你能把我引荐给理查德 那就太好了 So anything you could do to recommend me to Richard would be just great.
好 我会... 我会引荐你的 Yeah, I'll... I'll recommend you.
- 你人真好 你人真好 - 是啊 - Bless your heart. Bless your heart. - Yeah.
嘿拉里 你菊花还瘙痒吗？ Hey, Larry, do you still have that tickle in your anus?
两周内我都帮你预约不了 I cannot get you an appointment for two weeks.
什么？ What?
你不舒服吗？ Are you experiencing discomfort?
菊花... 她说什么呢？你说的什么鬼？ Tickle in my... what is she talking about? What are you talking about?
- 是什么引起的？- 这可不能当玩笑 - Where did you get that from? - That's nothing to joke around about.
你想预约谁来给你看？ Who were you trying to get an appointment with?
- 罗森博格 - 罗森博格是个好家伙 - Rosenberg. - Rosenberg is a good man.
我有个更好的建议 铅笔给我 I've got a better one. Pencil.
打给这个人... 杰伊惠特尼医生 Call this man... Dr. Jay Whitney.
我老婆的表亲阿佳... 她在那办公 My wife's cousin Kai... she runs the office.
- 噢 是吗？- 她能帮你找到门路 - Oh, she does? - She can open all the doors,
可不只是后门 你懂我意思吗？ and not just the back one, you know what I mean?
真的 她今天就能把你排进去 Seriously, she can get you in today.
- 是吗 - 你还用考虑吗 - Yeah. - You don't have to think about it.
你人真好 但是我真没什么事 It's nice of you, but there's really nothing wrong.
你为什么要说我菊花瘙痒？ Why did you say I have a tickle in my anus?
你疯了吗？我 菊花瘙痒？ Are you fucking crazy, huh? A tickle in my anus?
- 她只是替你担心而已 - 你为什么要这么说呢？ - She's just looking out for you. - Why did you say that?
我不痒 谁说我痒的？ I don't have a tickle. Who said that?
那个 我得走了 我得走了 Look, I gotta go. I gotta go.
你瞧 我可能给你留下什么错误印象了 Look, I think I've given you the wrong impression.
- 拉里的菊花没事 - 你给我闭嘴了 - Larry's anus is fine. - Shut the fuck up, okay?
- 给我闭嘴！- 对不起 - Shut the fuck up! - Sorry.
我想说的只是 不要心存侥幸 好吗？ All I'm saying is, don't take any chances here, okay?
- 这是个严重的问题 知道吗？- 可不是吗 - This is serious, all right? - Yeah, no.
- 好的 因为我关心你... - 是吧 谢谢你了 - Good, 'cause I care about you... - Yeah, thanks.
- ...不仅是因为... - 见到你真好 - ...not just 'cause... - Good to see you.
- 我也是 - 我这就给理查德打电话 - And you. - I'm gonna call Richie right now.
- 谢谢 安托... - 安托瓦内特 - Thanks, Ant... - Antoinette.
- 这样啊 - 我会关照的 - Yeah. - I'll take care of that.
- 好了 谢谢你 拉里 太谢谢了 - 没事 - Okay, thank you, Larry. Thanks so much. - Okay.
嗨 我是理查德 请留言 Hi, it's Richard. Leave a message.
嘿 理查德 我是拉里 Hey, Richard, it's Larry.
马特泰斯勒刚让我推荐他做你的试播集... Matt Tessler just asked me to recommend him for your pilot...
...我就打个电话告诉你 他让我... ...so this is me calling to recommend...
推荐一下他 "recommend" him.
所以如果他要是问起你 我有没有推荐他 So in case he ever asks you if I recommended him,
你可以跟他说 you can tell him
我确实推荐了 that in fact I did recommend him.
好了 回头聊吧 All right, I'll talk to you later.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
在这儿签一下字 然后请坐 Just sign in, please, and have a seat.
不会要很久的 Shouldn't be too long.
我有点介意... I have a little problem with this...
这个签到表 these sign- in sheets, you know.
我名字就这么公开在这儿 My name's right out in the open here.
这应该是隐私 It's a bit of a privacy issue.
来到肛肠科医生的诊所 There's no shame in having to come
并不是什么羞耻的事 to the gastroenterologist's office.
但是总归有点尴尬 你知道 It's a little embarrassing maybe, you know.
感觉就像我们在墙上写大字 We could just put a sign up on the wall saying,
"拉里大卫到此一游" 干脆这样得了 "Larry David was here." Why don't we do that?
你知道 我必须告诉你 You know, I have to tell you
我在这儿工作四年了 I've worked here for four years
从来没有人进来 and I've never had anyone come in and, like,
找个什么原因翻阅病人名单的 cruise the list of patient names for any reason.
不如这样 你管签到表 What if you are in charge of this, okay,
把名单放在下面 由你看管 so this is down here? You keep that.
我不喜欢这样 首先 我一小时收入只有9刀 I don't like that. First of all, I only get paid $9 an hour,
所以要是需要追踪每个病人的信息 so it's a little more responsibility than I'm used to,
未免又给我增加负担 to keep track of patients.
第二 我根本无权做决定 Second of all, I can't even make decisions.
有什么事都得和总部商量 You have to take it up with the home office.
我很乐意和总部提一提 瞧 你不会觉得 I would like to take it up with the home office. See, you didn't think
- 我原本打算提你一句 - 不 我确实觉得你有这个打算 - I was gonna take you up on that. - No, I did think you were.
- 我觉得你是那种人 - 我对这种事很感兴趣 - You strike me as that type. - Well, things like this interest me.
我不是个发明家 但我是个改良家 I'm not an inventor, but I'm an improver.
我改良坏掉的东西 I improve things that are broken.
这整个系统就是坏的 This is broken. This system is broken.
我很愿意改良它 I'd like to improve it.
很好 我猜你是第一次来 Great. I'm assuming you're a new patient,
要不然我应该记得你 'cause I think I would have remembered you.
- 麻烦把这个填了 - 好的 - So please fill that out. - Okay.
我要是坐这儿你会怎么做？嗯？ What would you do if I sat there, huh?
讲真 我要是坐这儿 你肯定有点崩溃对吧？ You'd be a little freaked out if I sat there, wouldn't you, honestly?
- 一点点咯 - 我感觉不止一点点 - A little bit. A little bit. - I think a lot.
是的 那样有点吊诡 Yeah, that's a little creepy.
你在看什么呢？ What are you reading?
叫《娱乐圈里人》 It is called "Showbiz Insider."
- 真的？- 我很喜欢站在圈内人的视角... - Really? - I like to feel like an insider when...
- 哇 挺刺激啊 - 是的 相当刺激 - Pretty heady stuff. Wow. - Yes, very heady stuff.
选召的有很多 注定的很少 Many are called. Few are chosen.
你肯定超级聪明 You must be very very bright.
是吧 Yes.
你从哪来 纽约？ Where are you from, New York?
- 我好像听到一点口音 - 是吗 - I'm picking up an accent. - Yeah.
对啊 你从纽约来吗？ Yeah. You from New York?
没错 Yeah.
不过我倒不是犹太人 你要是这么想就错了 But I'm not a Jew, if that's what you're thinking.
我看到你的脑子在转动了 'Cause I saw your wheels spinning.
不可思议 感觉像你在我身上开了扇窗 That's uncanny. It's like there's a window into my soul
你透过窗子读透了我 and you can just really read me.
一目了然 妹子 I read you loud and clear, sister.
- 可不是 - 没错 - Yes. - Yeah.
顺带问句 你还好吗？你有没有... Are you okay, by the way? Do you have any...
你来这儿是哪儿不舒服了？ you have some terrible medical problem that brought you here?
我没事 就体检一下 I'm fine. Checkup.
- 体检？- 对啊 - Checkup? - Mmm.
嗯？真的吗？ Hmm, really?
你呢？ You?
- 也是体检 - 真的？ - Checkup. - Really?
- 对啊 - 哈 - Yeah. - Huh.
- 真是巧了 - 我问你一个问题 - How about that? - Let me ask you a question:
你以前和秃顶的人约会过吗？ did you ever go out with a bald guy?
- 有过 - 你觉得怎么样？ - Yeah. - How did you find it?
太神奇了 It was magical.
- 是吗？你瞧？- 嗯？ - Yeah? See? - Yes.
目前为止我撩得怎么样？ How am I doing on the flirt so far?
- 你能打几分？- 嗯... - How would you assess it? - Um...
- 良好？- ...那就是7.5分 - Pretty good? - I'm... well, 7.5.
- 7.5分 真假？- 7.5分了 - 7.5? Really? - 7.5, yeah.
- 你真严格 - 拉里大卫？ - You're tough. - Larry David?
- 到你了- 好 - You're up. - All right.
好吧 他们叫到我了 Well, they have called for me.
拉里？ Larry?
我得去体检了 I guess I'll go in for my checkup.
- 体检 - 和你聊天真愉快 - Checkup. - Nice talking to you.
好运 Good luck.
回见 So long.
你好 大卫先生 你好吗？ Hello, Mr. David. How are you?
- 挺好 - 挺好 好的 - Good. - Good. All right.
噢 你认识我的表亲马特泰斯勒 Oh, you know my cousin Matt Tessler.
噢 马特是你的表亲 对 Oh, Matt's your cousin? Oh, yeah.
对了 谢谢你帮忙... Oh, right. Oh, thank you for this...
没关系 Yeah, sure sure sure.
我来问问你 大卫先生 So let me ask you, Mr. David,
你来看医生是哪儿不舒服？ why are you here to see the doctor?
嗯... Um...
我一会儿直接和医生说吧 I'd just as soon tell the doctor.
说吧 我得先把信息记录下来 It's okay. I've got to take all the information first
然后给医生看 所以告诉我你哪儿不舒服吧 and I give it to the doctor. So why don't you tell me the reason you're here?
我知道 但是既然医生马上要进来 I know, but if the doctor's gonna come in here,
我为啥不直接和他说呢？我不明白 why not just tell the doctor? I don't see why
为什么我还得经过你来转述这些信息 I need to tell you and... then you have to tell the doctor.
- 嗯... - 我直接告诉他不好吗？ - Well... - Why not just tell him directly?
如果我要去纽约 为什么还得在佛罗里达停一下呢？ I'm going to New York. Why am I stopping off in Florida?
嗯哼 规矩就是我先记下信息 Mm- hmm. Policy is that I take the information down first
然后交给他他进来处理 and I give it to him. He'll come in and go over this.
这样所有问题都写好给他了 So he'll have it all written down.
他就不需要重新过一遍这些问题了 He won't have to go through all of the questions again.
- 这完全不合理 你们这个系统 - 嗯哼 - This whole thing is askew, your system. - Mm- hmm.
医生应该现在就在 我们就能节省时间了 The doctor should be in here right now. We could be saving time.
他还有别的病人要处理 He's got other patients that he's dealing with,
所以我在这儿可以帮他节省一半的时间 so what I'm here... I pretty much cut the time in half with him.
节省一半时间？你要在大厅里把他拦下来吗？ Cut the time in half? So you intercept him in the hall?
他得到了信息 然后呢 He's gonna get the information and then what,
上网查查怎么办？不 run to the internet to look it up? No.
- 他从你这儿得到信息 - 医生和护士互相合作 - He's gonna hear it from you. - Doctors and nurses work hand in hand.
我只是需要你的信息 要是你能告诉我... I just need the information. If you could just give it to me...
讲真 我不高兴告诉你 I'm not that comfortable telling you, frankly.
我走之前必须把你的问题记下来 I need to take it down before I can leave.
好吧 我屁股里有只沙鼠 Okay, I have a gerbil up my ass.
这就是我的问题 That's my problem.
它在那儿多久了？ How long has it been there?
两天 Two days.
好了 谢谢你 医生马上过来 Okay, thank you. The doctor will be right with you.
这下你高兴了吧？ Fine. Happy?
- 大卫先生 - 医生你好 - Mr. David. - Hello, Doctor.
- 拉里 很高兴见到你 - 好吧 - Larry, nice to see you. - Okay.
我希望你能告诉我 I was wondering if you could tell me
你有什么问题 what seems to be the problem.
嘿 怎么回事... Hey, what happened...
那张签到表呢？ what happened to the sign- in sheet?
噢 我刚给我们总部打了电话 Oh, I called our corporate headquarters
告诉了他们你的建议 他们很喜欢 off your suggestion and they loved it.
- 所以我们有新规定了 - 什么？ - So there's a new policy. - What?
现在这是隐私了 如你所愿 It's private, just like you wanted.
不不不 我不想那样 No no no, I don't want that.
你为什么听我的？我自己都不知道我在说什么 You're listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about.
把签到表拿回来吧 Put the sign- in sheet back on.
- 我不能 - 什么？ - I can't. No. - What?
你现在不能看了 You can't see this now.
- 首先 我要告诉你 - 你说 - First of all, I've got to tell you something, okay? - Yes.
我想就我之前的行为向你道歉 I want to apologize for the way I behaved earlier.
大卫先生 你没必要和我来这一套 Mr. David, you don't have to play games with me.
- 我不需要？- 不 - I don't? - No.
你在找克里斯多夫？ Are you looking for Christopher?
不 No.
- 安德鲁？- 继续说 - Andrew? - Keep going.
波拉？ Paula?
对了 Aha.
- 你不能说出去 不然我会被开除的 - 绝对不会 - You cannot tell. I could get fired. - No no no, never.
- 肯定不会 - 我没受过正统教育 - No no no no. - I have no formal education.
- 坚决不会- 好吧 - No no no no no. - Okay.
小心点 Be careful.
- 谢谢你 - 她看着有点神经质 - Thank you. - She looks like a live wire.
- 你打给她了？- 对啊 - You called her? - Yeah.
你打算带她去哪儿约会？ So where are you going to take her on a date?
可能带她看电影吧 I'm gonna take her to the movies maybe.
那很好啊 That's great.
问题是 为什么她要去看... The question is, why was she at that...
什么医生来着？ what kind of doctor was that again?
- 嗯 肛肠科医生 - 她去那干嘛？ - Mm, gastroenterologist. - So what was she doing there?
- 问题就在这儿 - 我的天 - That's the question. - Oh my God.
她为什么在那？我不知道 Why was she there? I don't know.
希望不是和我一样的毛病 I hope she doesn't have the same thing I do.
那是好事啊 把沙鼠拿出来就行了 Well, that's a good thing. It'll go away.
没错 Yeah.
问你个问题 Let me ask you a question:
你愿意出多少钱看我现在拿这个漱口？ How much will you give me to start gargling now?
- 50块 - 你会给我50块？ - 50 bucks. - You'll give me 50 bucks?
- 50块 - 拿出来吧 - 50 bucks. - Take it out of your pocket.
嗯哼 来啊 Mm- hmm. Mmm.
来吧 怎么 你不相信我？ Just do it. What, you don't trust me?
给你 Here you go.
- 我赢了50块 - 不行 这不算 - I just got 50 bucks. - No, now that doesn't count.
- 不 你不能这样 - 你在说什么呀？ - No, you can't do that. - No, what are you talking about?
我本来很乐意掏这个钱赏心悦目 I would have paid that happily. It was so enjoyable.
本来都很赏心悦目的 直到你说了"我赢了50块" It was so enjoyable and you ruined it with "I just got 50 bucks."
问你个问题 泰斯勒仍旧是你的客户吗？ Let me ask you a question: Tessler's still one of your clients?
对啊 他会出席成人礼的 Yeah. He's coming to the bat mitzvah.
你知道还有谁会来吗？ You know who else is coming to the bat mitzvah?
我的新客户约翰传奇 My newest client John Legend.
他是个牛逼的R&B歌手 He's a huge R&B singer.
完全不知道他是谁 I have no idea who this guy is.
- 你有认识的人吗？- 没有 - Do you know who anyone is? - No.
你上次买唱片是什么时候？ When was the last time you bought an album?
1972年？ 1972?
- 72年？怪不得你谁都不认识 - 是的 我都不认识 - '72? So you know no one. - No, I know nothing.
反正他现在是我客户 而且他会来 去成人礼 Anyhow, he's my client now. He's coming to the bat mitzvah.
他会来唱歌 He's gonna sing.
嗯 我可能会带这个女人来 Well, maybe I'll bring this woman.
如果今晚我们进展顺利 我就问问她 You know, if we get along tonight, I'm gonna ask her.
因为你得带个人 谢丽儿会带那个家伙来 'Cause you gotta bring somebody. Cheryl's coming with that guy.
- 你也得协携伴而来 - 绝对的 - You gotta be there with somebody. - Absolutely.
我们今晚何不来个四人约会呢？ Why don't we double- date tonight?
你知道吗？苏西和我本来就打算去看电影 You know what? Susie and I were talking about going to the movies.
你开玩笑呢 来吧 You're kidding. Let's do it.
好极了 我去问问她 Perfect. I can check her out.
我好久没约会过了 谁买单？ I haven't dated in a while. Who pays?
- 你买单 - 别傻了 你买单 - You pay. - Don't be ridiculous. You pay.
- 我吗？- 是的 你付钱 - I do? - Yes, you pay.
- 拉里不太习惯约会 - 明显的 - Larry's not used to dating. - Clearly, yes.
- 是啊 我好久没约会过了 - 嗯 确实很久 - No, I haven't dated in a long time. - No, a long time.
我应该怎么做？看电影的时候可以拉手手吗？ What do I do? Am I allowed to hold hands during the mo...?
- 没什么规定吧... - 有规定吗？ - I don't know if there's rules... - Is there a rule?
不好意思 Excuse me.
谢谢 Thank you.
嗨 Hi.
一张电影 One movie.
谢谢 Thank you.
- 你不想坐走道边吗？- 不 - Don't you want to sit on the aisle? - No.
- 我是为你们考虑 - 坐中间更好 - I was being nice. - Center's better.
坐中间？为什么？你觉得坐这儿和坐那儿 Center? Why? You think there's a big difference
- 有很大区别吗？- 是的 这很好 - over there from here? - Yes, this is good.
只要没有巨人坐我前面 As long as a giant man doesn't sit in front of me.
或者女巨人 Or a giant woman.
- 我的天 - 怎么了？ - Oh my God. - What?
那个家伙 就是那个刚才插队买票的家伙 This guy. That's the guy who walked past the line to get his ticket before.
- 对噢 - 皮特！ - Oh, yeah. - Pete!
- 瞧瞧他 - 我想就是他了 - Look at him. - I think it is.
我的天 他刚才是装的 Oh my God. He was faking.
- 你在开玩笑？- 没有 - Are you kidding me? - No.
真厉害 That's really good.
- 我的天 - 搞什么 - Oh my God. - Holy shit.
我要向他脱帽致敬 I gotta take my hat off to him.
装得真像 I gotta tell ya, that's pretty good.
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
嗯 挺好的 Yeah, I'm fine.
怎么了？为什么这么问？ Why? Why are you asking me that?
没什么 No reason.
你还好吗？ Everything okay with you?
嗯 挺好 Yeah, fine.
你确定？ Are you sure?
当然啦 怎么能不好呢？ Yeah. Why shouldn't it be?
因为你老是扭来扭去的 It's just you're squirming a lot.
你扭得比我还厉害 You're squirming more than I am.
噢 我的椅子不太舒服 Well, my seat is uncomfortable.
是的 我的椅子也不舒服 Yeah, my seat's uncomfortable too.
我知道 我们达成一致了 I know. We're in agreement.
所以你上次究竟是去肛肠科医生那儿看什么？ Why did you say you went to that gastroenterologist's again?
- 就检察一下 - 检察？ - I was there for a checkup. - A checkup?
- 对啊 你干嘛一直问？- 我从没听说 - Yes. Why do you keep asking me that? - I've never heard
有人去肛肠科诊所体检的 of anybody going to a gastroenterologist for a checkup.
- 噢 是吗？- 对啊 - Oh, really? - Yeah.
你不也是去那儿体检的 That's what you were doing there.
- 我是那么说的？- 你就是那么说的 - Is that what I said? - Yes, that's what you said.
讲真 我觉得这个片子挺无聊的 Honestly, I'm just really kind of bored with this movie.
没那么差劲吧 It's not so bad.
我想走了 我们能走了吗？ I really want to go. Can we go?
拜托了 Please.
还有五分钟就结束了 你为什么还想把我拖走？ Are you gonna drag me out of this movie with five minutes to go?
有病吧 That's insane.
才不是五分钟 It's not five minutes.
这是我看过的全世界最差的电影了 我真想走了 This is the world's worst film I've ever seen and I really want to go.
好啦好啦 再看五分钟吧 Come on, five more minutes.
再多看也没好处 你根本不在意这个故事 What do you gain by staying? You don't care about this story.
我做事有始有终 I finish things I start.
就算看一本500页的书 Books... they could be 500 pages,
一旦开始读 即使我很讨厌 也会看完它 once I start them, even if I hate it, I'll finish it.
我有些难以忍受的朋友 I have friends who I can't stand,
可能我已经忍了25年了 you know, for, like, 25 years.
我还是会忍下去 I'm still friends with them.
为什么？ Why?
因为我做事坚持到底 直到他们死掉 Because I stay to the end, till they're dead.
船在我在 船亡我亡 I go down with the ship. That's what I do.
就算我不是船长 我也与船共存亡 I'm not even the captain, I'm going down with the ship.
我希望你能这么看我 That's how I want you to think about me:
我就是那个船长身边的男人 a guy who keeps the captain company.
我看不下去了 I can't watch this.
不好意思 对不起 Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- 她要去哪？- 我不... - Where is she going? - I don't...
- 她被无聊到了 - 都快结束了 - She was bored. - It's almost over.
我知道 我告诉她了 I know. I told her.
还有五分钟就结束了 简直疯了 It's five minutes to go. It's crazy.
你最好追上去 You'd better go out after her.
她不会等你的 She's not gonna wait for you.
你自己离场了 不能盼着别人也跟你一样要走吧 You don't expect somebody else to leave if you're walking out of the movie.
- 你不懂女人 - 你不懂礼节 - You don't understand women. - You don't understand etiquette.
好的吧 Fine.
- 她人呢？- 她不在这儿 - Where is she? - She's not here.
- 你很惊讶吗？- 你敢相信？ - Are you surprised? - Can you believe it?
- 太没礼貌了 - 都告诉你她会走了 - Yeah, that's rude. - I told you she was gonna leave.
- 难以置信 这太没礼貌了 - 顺便说一句 - That was completely rude, unbelievable. - By the way,
我记时了 片子只剩六分钟了 I timed it. There were six minutes left in that movie.
两码事 拉里 她不会等你的 Irrelevant, Larry. She was not gonna wait for you.
我花了一个半小时 就剩下六分钟了 I invested an hour and a half. I'm supposed to leave
- 我还要走？- 最后六分钟 疯了吧 - with six minutes to go? - The last six minutes. That's craziness.
没事了 你说的对 而且你现在一个人了 So, fine. You were right and now you're alone.
对 没错 反正她也菊花痒 Yeah, well, she has a tickle in her anus anyway.
- 她菊花痒？- 我觉得是 她在椅子上扭个不停 - She has a tickle in her anus? - I think so. She was squirming in her seat.
我听不下去了 走吧 I don't wanna hear it. Let's go.
告诉你 电影烂透了 You know what? That movie stunk, by the way.
才不是 电影很棒 你疯了吧 No, it was great. You're crazy.
所以你不打算去成人礼了？ So you're not gonna go to the bat mitzvah?
呃 我不想一个人去 Eh, I don't want to go by myself.
而且谢丽儿会和那家伙一起去 And Cheryl's gonna be there with this guy.
那我们就给你找个伴儿... So we'll get you a date...
住我隔壁的邻居 她是跳肚皮舞的 my next- door neighbor. She's a belly dancer.
她还在太阳马戏团演过 She also was in Cirque du Soleil.
嗯 是那个戴鼻环的对吗？ Yeah, that's the one with the nose rings, right?
- 她可以摘下来啊 - 那她鼻子上不就有个洞了 - She can take 'em out. - Then there's a hole in the nose.
化化妆就遮掉了 We'll just cover it with makeup.
恶心！ Blech!
你要喝咖啡吗？我要去弄咖啡 Do you want any coffee? I'm gonna go get coffee.
不了 我什么都不要 No, I don't want anything.
这边请 这就是我跟你提过的完美办公室 This way. This is the one I was telling you that I think is just perfect.
- 好极了 - 月初即可入驻 - This is great. - Yeah, available the first of the month.
签个字就好啦 All we need is your signature on the paperwork.
- 好极了 预付两个月？- 没错 - That's great. Two months upfront? - Upfront.
- 两个停车位你都可以用 - 温度可以调吗？ - Two parking spaces. It's all yours. - How do you heat it?
看 那里有你自己的恒温器 Oh, you've got your own thermostat right there, see?
我得接个电话 请稍等一下好吗？ I've got to take this. Will you excuse me for one second?
- 我马上回来 - 当然啦 去吧 - I'll be right back. - Sure. Yeah, okay, good.
嗨 我刚... Hi, I'm just...
你好！ Hello!
- 你好吗？- 我... 我不错 - How are you? - I'm... I'm good.
你打算租这间办公室... Are you renting the office...
- ...隔壁那间？- 我正在考虑呢 - ...next door? - I'm thinking about it.
那很好啊 我们可以成为朋友了 That's very good. We'll be friends.
那个 你知道 我有在看好几个地方 Well, you know, I'm looking at several places.
- 我应该去跟... - 我们可以一起吃中饭 - I should probably catch up... - We'll go to lunch together.
- 是吧 - 每一天 每一天 - Yeah. - Every day, every day.
- 每一天 - 每一天 中饭 - Every day. - Every day, lunch.
那个 听着 你可能很忙 Uh, listen, you're probably busy.
不 我不忙 我没事可做呢 No, I'm not. I have nothing to do here.
我得去找大楼经理了 谢谢你 I've got to find the office manager. Thank you.
再见 Goodbye. Bye.
我希望你租了那间办公室 I hope you rent the office.
拉里 什么...？ Larry, wh...?
- 噢 你好 - 我打断你们了吗？ - Oh, hey. - Am I interrupting something?
没啊 No.
我就是来说声谢谢 谢谢你的引荐 I just came by to say thanks for the recommendation.
我能当导演了 I got the gig.
- 你得到工作了？- 对啊 - You got the job? - Yeah.
你刚搞什么呢？很好笑吗？ What's this about? Is this supposed to be funny?
不是啊 No no no.
有人想租隔壁的办公室... Someone was gonna rent the office next door...
你就那么欢迎他的？运用你的幽默？ This is how you welcome him? You use some humor?
不是 就是想看看他的宽容程度怎么样 No no no, it was a test to see if he's a tolerant person.
还有其他人的宽容程度 And anyone who's not is no neighbor of mine.
我知道肯定有个人不觉得这很有趣 I know somebody who wouldn't find this funny at all.
我家的十岁男孩麦克斯... He's a 10- year- old boy named Max and he lives in my house...
- 他不觉得有趣 - 天啊 - who's not gonna think that's so funny. - Oh, Jeez.
你居然做这种事？ This is what you do?
- 坐在那儿嘲笑智力障碍群体？- 什么呀 - You sit on your ass making fun of retarded people? - Oh, come on.
- 真他妈难以置信 - 我只是 你知道... - Un- fucking- believable. - I was just, you know...
我对你非常失望 I'm really disappointed in you.
我可以把办公室租给你儿子 I would rent an office to your son.
我儿子在天堂有个办公室 My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus.
嘿 你知道真正有趣的是什么吗？ Hey, you know what's really funny?
一位成功的制作人为了好玩把沙鼠塞进屁股里 A successful writer- producer who puts gerbils up his ass for fun.
- 什么？什么？- 我和阿佳聊过了 我的表亲 - What? What? - I talked to Kai. I talked to my cousin.
- 你就是为那件事去看医生的 - 无稽之谈 - That's why you had to see the doctor. - Oh, that's bullshit.
- 因为你菊花里有只沙鼠 - 那是我编的 傻逼 - 'Cause you have gerbils in your ass. - I made that up, you moron.
- 你为什么那么编？- 因为我不想 - Why would you make that up? - Because I didn't feel like
- 告诉她我哪里不舒服 - 那完全没道理 - telling her what was wrong with me. - That doesn't make any sense.
告诉你 我觉得很多人会觉得有趣的 And you know what? I think a lot of people would get a kick out of this.
我真心觉得 去你妈的 拉里 I really do. Fuck you, Larry.
我去试试上街广而告之 Let's just try it out on the street.
- 嘿 那是我编的 - 想听听有趣的事吗？ - Hey, no, I made that up. - Hey, wanna hear something funny?
嘿 你想听听什么有趣的事吗？ Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
不好意思 我们还来得及吗？ So sorry. Do we still have time to do it?
- 对不起 - 不 我来迟了 - I'm sorry. - No. I'm late now.
- 吃中饭太迟了吗？- 吃午饭太迟了 - It's too late for lunch? - It's too late for lunch
我的事业也无法挽回了 你让泰斯勒坑了我 and it's too late for my career and you fucked me with Tessler.
- 他干得不好？- 他烂透了！ - He's not working out? - He sucks!
- 他完全不懂喜剧 - 我知道啊 我知道 - He doesn't know comedy. - I know that, I know.
他应该去卖布 He should be selling fabrics.
你为什么选了他？ Why'd you hire him?
你怎...？因为你 How d...? You...
我47年的朋友推荐了他 my friend of 47 years... you recommended him.
我推荐他？我给你打电话 Oh, I recommended him? When I called you
我告诉你他让我引荐他... I told you that he asked me to recommend him...
- 什么...？- 所以我"引荐"他 - What...? - ...so I'm "recommending" him.
带引号的 I put quotes around it.
你为什么"引荐"他 引号先生？ Why'd you "recommend" him, Mr. Quotehead?
我以为你会懂那是个带引号的引荐 I thought that you would pick up that it was a non- recommend recommend.
你知道 人生苦短 You know, life is very brief, okay?
你知道我明白我需要好戏 And you know I need a good series.
- 人生苦短？你这么觉得？- 对啊 - Is life too short? You think it's too short? - Yeah.
- 太短了 对吗？- 现在我命更他妈短了 - It's too short, isn't it? - But now my life is fucking way short.
- 对不起 - 你毁了我的试播 - I'm sorry. - You ruined my fucking pilot
就因为你的引荐 because of your recommendation.
来自某个光头的引荐... I can see if it came from a skinhead...
- 是啊 - ...或者某个笨拉登一帮的人 - Yeah. - ...or one of Ben Laden's people.
你叫他笨拉登还是本拉登？ You call him Ben Laden or Bin Laden?
我不知道 I don't know.
你叫他笨 像个犹太名字似的 You called him Ben. That's almost like a Jewish name.
真的 笨拉登听起来 That's true. Ben Laden does sound
- 像个曼哈顿做衣服的 - 是的 我知道 - like a shirt- maker in Manhattan. - Yes, I know.
"我们上笨拉登家逛逛 他们领子做的不错" "Let's go to Ben Laden's. They got great collars."
一点没错 不管怎么说 我... Exactly, yeah. Anyway, I'm...
- 不... - 对不起 - No... - I'm sorry.
好吧 好... Yeah, fine, fi...
原来是真的啊 It's true, isn't it?
- 我操 - 你说什么呢？ - Holy shit. - What are you talking about?
你塞了个沙鼠到屁股里？ Did you stick a gerbil up your ass?
- 因为全世界... - 你疯了？ - 'Cause the whole fucking town... - Are you out of your mind?
世人皆知了 大家都在传 It's all over the set. It's everywhere.
- 我说... - 天啊 - And I said... - Jesus,
泰斯勒在传播我的谣言 报复我 this Tessler is spreading this rumor about me to get back at me.
全世界都知道了 It's all over the fucking city now.
网上也会有的 It's gonna be on the internet too.
到处都是 路人皆知 It's everywhere. It's everywhere.
天啊 你瞧见那人看我的眼神了吗？ Jesus Christ, did you see the way that guy looked at me?
他肯定也读过关于你的《沙鼠》专题报导了 I'm sure he probably read "Gerbil" magazine and you're fucking on the cover.
我操 Holy shit.
我菊花是有点痒 You know, I do have a tickle in my anus.
噢 真的吗？ Oh, really?
- 对啊 - 我得走了 - Yeah. - I gotta split.
嗨 卡罗尔 Hi, Carol.
卡罗尔 那不是真的 Carol, it's not true.
...一些疯话 ...some crazy shit.
- 沙鼠是丢了 然后你听到些疯话 - 里昂！ - It's missing. And you hear this shit. - Leon!
里昂 我不信他会做出那样的事 Leon, I don't really think he would do something like that.
- 我不觉得... - 你不明白 洛雷塔 - I don't think... - You don't know, Loretta.
想想吧 沙鼠丢了 对吗？ Think about it. Look, the gerbil's missing, right?
然后你就听说了这破事 想想吧 And then you hear this shit's going on. Come on now.
两件事联想一下 Add this shit up. Add this shit up.
他来了 怎么回事啊 拉里？ Here he comes now. What's going on? What's going on, Larry?
沙鼠上了电梯 按了上楼键 钻进你菊花了？ The gerbil got on the elevator, hit "up" and went up your asshole?
- 是这样的吗？- 里昂！ - Is that what happened? - Leon!
我不敢相信都传到我家来了 I can't believe that this thing has already gotten to this house,
- 你居然还为此指责我 - 拉里 沙鼠去哪儿啦？ - that you would accuse me of that. - Larry, where's the gerbil?
- 我挺你 我不相信你干了 - 谢谢 - I got your back. I don't think you did it. - Thank you.
我根本不想让沙鼠来我家 I didn't even want that thing in the house,
- 更不用说放我那里了 - 放它出来 拉里 - much less put it up my ass, okay? - Let him out, Larry.
等等 你是说你没那么做？ So, wait a minute. Are you saying you didn't do that?
绝对没有 当然没有 那是有病 Absolutely. Of course not. Come on, that's insane.
我也是这么想的 That's what I thought.
我还在纠结沙鼠 I'm still sick about the fact that that thing is
在我家里跑来跑去呢 running around the house somewhere.
- 好吧 管他呢 - 我们打包好了 - Yeah, all right. Whatever, man. - We're done packing.
- 好吧 - 好了 亲爱的 - All right. - All right, sweetness.
- 嘿 你所有东西都打包了吗？- 是的 弄好了 - Hey, y'all got everything together? - Yeah, we're done.
- 好的 - 你们准备出发了？ - All right, that's good. - You ready to roll?
哇 终于要走了 对吗？ Wow, this is really happening, isn't it?
- 是的 我们已经准备好了 - 好啊 - Oh yeah, we're about ready to bounce. - Yeah.
- 你们什么时候出发？- 明天 - When are you going? - Tomorrow.
- 明天？- 嗯哼 - Tomorrow? - Mm- hmm.
你敢相信吗？ Can you believe it?
- 我们要走了 朋友 - 噢 我的天啊 - We're out of here, man. - Oh my God.
- 哇 - 就这么猝不及防 对吗？ - Wow. - It crept up on you, right?
你会想我们的 拉里 You're gonna miss us, Larry.
我们也会想你的 拉里 We're gonna miss you too, Larry.
好了 不要说些催我泪下的话了 All right, don't get my waterworks going here.
- 你知道我很情绪化的 - 好啦 - You know how emotional I am. - All right, okay.
我们会想你的 拉里 深深地想你 We're gonna miss you, Larry. That's deep.
好吧 我得去准备那个成人礼了 Yeah. All right, I've got to get ready for a bat mitzvah.
- 那是什么？- 是个犹太仪式 你知道 - What's that? - It's a Jewish ceremony, you know.
- 噢 - 是个大派对 - Oh. - It's a big party.
你不会想和我一起去的 对吗？ You don't wanna go with me, do you?
- 你想让我去吗？- 对啊 来吧 - You want me to go? - Yeah, come on.
当然啦 我和你一起去 拉里 Sure, I'll go with you, L.D.
- 好极了 - 是啊 - Beautiful. - Yeah.
- 一个成人礼 - 是啊 - A bat mitzvah. - Yeah.
我的小姑娘太完美了 My little girl is so perfect.
- 谢谢 你好吗？- 见到你很高兴 - Thank you. How are you doing? - Naches to you.
你看到了之前的彩排对吧 You saw the early rehearsals.
你走之后他们过了一遍 电视台的人气得直接走了 When you left they had a run- through. The network stormed out.
我最好的朋友怎么能推荐给我这样一个傻逼呢？ How in the fuck could my best friend recommend such an asshole?
- 你为什么不说你讨厌他？- 任何一个正常人 - Why didn't you say you didn't like him? - Any normal person
都能明白我的弦外之音的 would have picked up on what I was trying to say.
现在我不正常咯？噢 现在我不是正常人了 Now I'm abnormal. Oh, now I'm not normal.
对啊 你很不正常 Yeah, you are abnormal.
你是个奇葩 You're the most abnormal, jerky nutcase
我人生中最大的奇葩... I've ever met in my entire...
- 你觉得你比我更正常？- 废话 我当然比你正常 - You think you're more normal than me? - Fuckin'- A I am.
我每次和你说话都像看着个精神病患者似的 I'll have a mental patient face- off with you any day.
- 噢 真的吗？- 拉里 你是不是塞了只沙鼠到屁股里？ - Oh, really? - Larr, did you stick a gerbil up your ass?
- 谁跟你说的？- 我不会告诉你谁说的 - Who told you that? - I'm not gonna tell you who told me.
- 这不重要 - 我当然没有把沙鼠塞进那里！ - It's not important. - Of course I didn't stick a gerbil up my ass!
- 别生气嘛 - 我很生气！ - Don't get so upset. - I'm upset!
- 他跟每个人都说了 - 是啊 肯定的 - He's telling everyone. - Yeah, he sure is.
我的天 Oh my God.
我和我美丽的妻子苏西欢迎大家 On behalf of my wonderful wife Susie and myself I want to welcome you.
谢谢你们的到来 Thank you all so much for coming.
这对我们意义匪浅 It means a lot to us,
对萨米意义匪浅 a lot to Sammie,
告诉你们 她是我们的骄傲 I can tell you that. We're very proud of her.
我不想让她觉得尴尬 I don't want to embarrass her,
所以我就简而言之 so I'm gonna keep this short and just say
我们衷心地感谢大家 thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
现在我们打算 What we're gonna do right now is open it up
让大家自由地致辞 to anybody who'd like to say something,
敬酒也行 来吧 make a toast, whatever. Come on up.
- 是啊 我打算... - 拉里 - Yeah, I'm gonna... - Larry.
- 我要说两句 - 好吧 - I'd like to say something. - All right.
嘿 嗯... Hey. Um...
首先 来到这儿 well, first of all, I'm so thrilled
来到萨米的成人礼 我非常高兴 to be here at Sammie's bat mitzvah tonight.
- 谢谢 拉里 - 这里棒极了 - Thank you, Larry. - This is a fantastic occasion.
大家知道 我从萨米一出生 就认识她了 You know, I've known Sammie since she was born, actually.
- 我当时也在医院呢 记得吗？- 对啊 - I was in the hospital, remember? - Yeah.
那天我在医院 I was in the hospital that day
看到了大概 五分钟大的她 and I saw her when she was, like, five minutes old.
那一眼可不是什么美景 It was not a pretty sight for me.
那是我第一次见到一个刚出生的小东西 It was the first time I ever saw one of those things, you know.
嗯 不管怎样 我今晚真正想说的是 Um, anyway, what I really want to talk about tonight
这里有一名客人 is that there's a guest here
散播了一个恶毒 肮脏 无耻的谣言 spreading a vicious, nasty, scurrilous rumor
关于我和一只沙鼠的 about me and a gerbil.
知道吗？我确信你们都听说了 Okay? I'm sure you've heard it.
这完全是无稽之谈 知道了吗？ And there's not a word of truth to it, okay?
他跟我有私人恩怨 所以一个字也别相信 He has a personal vendetta, so don't believe one word of that.
这不是真的 然而 It's not true. However,
本着公正公开的原则 in the interest of full disclosure
我要告诉大家 呃 I will tell you that, um,
我确实有点菊花瘙痒 I do have a tickle in my anus.
但这两者完全不相干 And they're slightly related to each other.
他刚说什么？ What did he say?
重点是 这不是真的 我只是觉得 The point is, it's not true. I just thought it was
- 把这个说清楚很重要 - 很好 拉里 - important to say that. - That's fine, Larry.
- 他散布谣言是不对的... - 非常感谢你 - it's not right that he would spread... - Thank you very much.
- ...太恶毒了 - 拉里 非常感谢你 可以了 - ...that vicious rumor. - Larry, thank you very much. Enough.
你瞧什么呢 泰斯勒？ What are you looking at, Tessler?
我要用拳头插爆你菊花 I'll put a fist up your ass.
怎么样 嗯？ How about that, huh?
好吧 嗯 Well, um,
如果还有别人 if anyone else has a toast,
想致个词... something to say...
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
- 嗨 - 你好 - Hi. - Hello.
- 你好吗？- 见到你真好 - How are you doing? - Nice to see you.
- 还记得格伦吗？- 当然 - Remember Glenn? - Sure.
- 萨米看起来很可爱 - 是啊 - Sammie looks cute. - Yeah.
- 可爱极了 她都这么大了 - 对啊 我知道 - Very cute. She's all grown up. - Yeah, I know.
- 噢 你的内裤... - 嗯 - Oh, your underwear... - Yes.
- 我穿着呢 - 我发明的？你穿着"无拘无束"？ ...got 'em on. - My underwear? You're in the no- fly zone?
- 我现在尿尿时越过篱笆 - 你越过篱笆 - I'm going right over the fence. - You're over the fence?
- 对啊 - 你怀念穿过大门吗？ - Over the fence. - Did you miss the gate?
- 完全不会 - 想都不会想从门探头？ - Not at all. - Don't even think about the gate?
- 没错 - 好极了 谢谢你 - Don't even think about it. - That's wonderful. Thank you.
- 你看上去很好 - 噢 谢谢你 - You look good. - Oh, thank you, thank you.
♫ You Don't Know Me - Michael Bublé ♫
女士们先生们 晚上好 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
这首歌献给萨米 This one goes out to Sammie.
- 你想跳舞吗？ - 好啊 - Would you like to dance? - Um, yes.
- 如果你不介意的话 - 不 请便 - 失陪了 - I mean, if you don't mind. - No, please. - Would you excuse us?
你想跳舞吗？ Would you care to dance?
谢谢 Thank you.
醒醒 醒醒！ Wake up, wake up!
抢球啊 达里尔！ Get the ball, Daryl!
铲球 二号 布莱克 Slide tackle, number 2, Black.
- 你怎么还要表扬他？- 当然了 - What, you're gonna cite that? - Of course.
怎么 你疯了吗？你有病吗？ What, are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?
滚出去 Get out of here.
来吧 Come on.
别玩了 别玩了 Stop playing. Stop playing.
- 你能让他们安静吗？- 嘿 快给我 - Would y'all calm down? - Hey, give me that.
- 不 - 别让我过去拿 - No. - Don't make me come back there.
是我的 是我的 It's mine. It's mine.
噢 去你的 拉里臭傻逼 你妈的 Oh, fuck you, Larry. Bullshit, motherfucker.
- 我不知道 - 你个死秃驴！ - I didn't know. - You are such a bald asshole!
- 我没法和你说 - 你知道你他妈在和谁说话吗？ - I can't begin to tell you. - Who the fuck you think you're talking to?
他妈的谁都不能和我男人这么说话 Don't nobody talk to my man like that.
快他妈滚出我家 You'd better get your ass out of my house,
- 傻婊 - 再见 - you fucking bitch. - Goodbye.
笑一个笑一个 Get your smile on. Get your smile on.
笑起来 来吧 Get your smile on, come on.
我在笑吗？来了 Am I smiling? Here we go.
翻译：Yiran 校对：LadyM、甜食 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net